Hope

First off - I want to apologize for the raw post below...I didn't mean to scare anyone, which apparently I did. It just felt really good to write that all out - not necessarily talk it out, but just get it out somehow. I realized after reading it later, how depressing it sounded. But, I'm not going to try and pretend to be someone or something I'm not. I was really sad...and did feel really alone. And I needed to. I need to be at that point where all I have is Him to depend on. And goodness...I fight it. But thank you to everyone for the encouraging words and texts and phone calls, and prayers... I know they helped. :-)

Easter was great - got some good times with the fam...especially my precious niece and nephew! Love them! I finally moved yesterday and LOVE my new apartment. I'll try and take some pics and put them up. I will have some pics from my trip to Nashville once I can find my camera cord in one of the boxes... I'm posting Easter pics, but those are thanks to my mom...

Anyways - I'll have more fun posts soon...sorry again for the super sad one below! I'll try and not let it happen again! :-)

Here is my beautiful sister, Heather & me


And I just LOVE little Sam!


And how precious is Emily????


And here is my sister and me with my mom... (no, Heather is not pregnant, its just the way the jacket is hitting)

Broken

****disclaimer - this is me raw - uncensored - *******

For me - right now - I'm struggling. I'm broken and hurting and confused and straining to hang on to truth and Him. Actually, I'm just barely clinging on. This is a place I don't like to be. But I know I'm being brought here because I need to be here. To quote Lifehouse, 'I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home'.

So here I am - damaged at best - broken, hurting, confused, knowing that His hands are there to hold me, if I will just let Him. But so many parts of me are trying to walk away, swatting away His hand, saying, I don't need you - I don't need this. I'm sick of it all. I'm just tired. I'm alone. I'm confused. I'm just so tired.

What's funny is that at middle school church this morning, I was sweetly reminded that He is my hope. Everything that I think I want, I don't need. Regardless of my 'idealities' - they're nothing compared to what I have with Him and because of His ressurection. So why does my heart still hurt? Why do I feel so alone? And no, this isn't all about boys, its just about life and where I'm at. I walked in to my apartment yesterday and realized, once again, I'm alone...empty.

And...back to Lifehouse -
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm handing on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok


So - I'm reminding myself, my hope is not about me, its about Him and what will bring Him glory. So, now I'm having to teach myself what I've been trying to teach my middle schoolers for so long - peace in Him and Him alone.

Weekend - oh the Weekend

Well - I am just coming off a great weekend - a little exhausting, but hey - Spring Break is coming up...YEESSSSS!!!!!

So Friday night we celebrated one of my dearest friends, Hillary's birthday. A large group of us headed up to Pete's Piano Bar and celebrated the night away. Good times were had by all, with me especially having a great time. A little crazy, but so worth it! ;-)

Saturday I was able to celebrate the wedding of another very dear friend, Chavon. So you know how showers are oh so fun - well, this one really was! I mean, we made toilet paper brides, gave words of wisdom to Chavon and my favorite part was getting to spend some time with Summer. Now Summer and I have never been super close, however, I really am looking forward to having a better friendship with her. I think we have a lot in common and can have a lot of fun times in the future. I have become really close with her sister Kendall (who I also adore) but I really am excited to hopefully get to know Summer better!

Sunday was a fun day as well - should have been a day of rest, but hey - when you wake up and realize that you missed daylight savings and are now an hour short on sleep, its a quick revelation that your Sunday is not going to turn out how you expected. Butttt....it was great! Middle School church, brunch with Maddie, Hanna, and Julie, and then lunch in West Village with Jonny...really - just a great - and busy - day!

So - if I can make it through this week then I'll be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Spring Break '08 here I come!!!