Broken

****disclaimer - this is me raw - uncensored - *******

For me - right now - I'm struggling. I'm broken and hurting and confused and straining to hang on to truth and Him. Actually, I'm just barely clinging on. This is a place I don't like to be. But I know I'm being brought here because I need to be here. To quote Lifehouse, 'I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home'.

So here I am - damaged at best - broken, hurting, confused, knowing that His hands are there to hold me, if I will just let Him. But so many parts of me are trying to walk away, swatting away His hand, saying, I don't need you - I don't need this. I'm sick of it all. I'm just tired. I'm alone. I'm confused. I'm just so tired.

What's funny is that at middle school church this morning, I was sweetly reminded that He is my hope. Everything that I think I want, I don't need. Regardless of my 'idealities' - they're nothing compared to what I have with Him and because of His ressurection. So why does my heart still hurt? Why do I feel so alone? And no, this isn't all about boys, its just about life and where I'm at. I walked in to my apartment yesterday and realized, once again, I'm alone...empty.

And...back to Lifehouse -
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm handing on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok


So - I'm reminding myself, my hope is not about me, its about Him and what will bring Him glory. So, now I'm having to teach myself what I've been trying to teach my middle schoolers for so long - peace in Him and Him alone.